Out of the Hospital But Not Out of the Woods

When we got Bob home and propped up in his bed with Daisy dog snuggled up next to him, he said, "This is a nice room."  It sure beats the hospital this last week.  It was a big move for Bob - an hour's drive - but he did well.

It's all a bit confusing because he seems much better and more at peace but his most current x-ray shows the infection is worse then when he went into the hospital.  His oxygen is so low we hook up him while he rests and sleeps.  His pulse rate falls below normal and his heart is enlarged.  Several doctors asked me if he smoked but he never has. (He did live with two women who smoked though.)

Bob, First Day Home from the Hospital

I try to stay in the present moment with the emotional roller coaster as his condition gets better and worse all in the same day.  After a lot of soul searching I am at peace with however this comes out. In a way I lost him to Alzheimer's a long time ago but still he's an anchor for me here in Bali and he's my husband.

Today when I looked at Bob in his oxygen mask he had a slight smile on his face that read 'contentment'.  I 'got' that he is at peace and ready to move onto the next phase if that is what's in the cards.

I won't hold on emotionally - he entrusted me to look after him when he could no longer look after himself.  I have to honor the decisions he made for his future when he was well. In agreement with his daughters, we won't continue his antibiotics when this course is finished in a few days and we'll keep him as comfortable as possible.  The rest is up to The Universe.