I haven’t written an Alz World post since Bob died a little
over a year ago. Something went out of
me when he passed away – all those years of care-giving, all the protracted
grief, all the worries of how I’d keep him safe – it left an unexpected
void in my life. I thought I would have more time to relax but instead I put
myself to finishing a book I’d started in 2009.
 | |
| Our Early Years in Bali |
Now completed, Piece
by Piece- Love and the Land of Alzheimer’s, is about grieving the
protracted loss of a soul mate and the lessons learned along the way. I’m hoping it will bring solace to other
caregivers in despair at slowly losing a loved one to this terrible disease. My
experiences are woven into the story of our lives of travel, inner and outer
exploration, friendship and love, and being blessed to be able to live our
dreams.
Piece by Piece is written vividly and openly because these were things I needed to read
to more easily face the day-to-day reality of the disease. I want to assure
caregivers that what they are going through is the normal emotional roller
coaster of the consequences of Alzheimer’s and affects everyone involved. I
want to inspire caregivers whether they choose the long haul until death or
whether they find they can no longer cope and need to find a home for the AD
person. In this avalanche of a disease, we need each others stories.
Now the hard part
begins – getting it published. I'm leaning towards self-publishing since the
author has to do the marketing even with traditional publishers these days.
Publishing is currently a volatile and rapidly changing business.
~~~
I hadn't thought
that Bob's passing would leave such an emptiness. I thought I'd grieved each
piece as it fell away from his personality and that there was little left to
bid adieu, so it shook me when sadness descended, especially as the first
anniversary of his death loomed near. I decided to honor it and made a small
alter with a photo of us, some shells because he loved the sea, a small vase of flowers and lit a
24-hour candle to burn in his honor. And once the year anniversary passed
something shifted - it felt like a milestone and my new life had promise. It
had light.
I miss Bob but
oddly it's as though those fourteen years of Alzheimer's have faded into the
background and what I remember and miss is the kind, compassionate, funny,
loving man I married. I pass his photo and feel a surge of gratitude for what
we had. Thank you, Bob!
